Apparently all of us ladies go through our “bad boy” phase, where we knowingly go after dudes that are no bueno. This is the kind of guy that knows he’s ridiculously good looking, is oblivious or just plain ignorant in regards to the feelings of others and will have no qualms with admitting it either, saying things like “I’m just doing me, girl” or “We are having a good time, let’s not complicate things by having those things called feelings”, and is irresponsible to a fault. However, he’s charming, fun, dangerous and keeps you hanging onto every word by some kind of rebel-without-a-cause magic. He is probably simultaneously the best sex of your life and the worst communicator on the planet. But somehow, you keep coming back for more…
This is my problem. I go after the guys with baggage whilst leaving the nice gentlemen who drive 6 hours to just to tell me they love me in the dust. I just assumed that by 25 I’d be over my fascination with assholes but apparently I’m a masochist. I am very open about my daddy issues My father passed when I was 12 and I only saw him when I summered in France Psychologically, this is a recipe for a beautiful female disaster. After studying psychology for 4 years in college you’d think I’d learn an avoidance tactic or two for this sort of debacle. I am clearly my own worst enemy.
But I’m not going to say its all bad. I’ve grown up quite fast and have manufactured some tough skin. I became a woman who doesn’t always have to wear her heart on her sleeve when falling into lust. I can be a healthy dose of heartless without breaking anyone else’s. I suppose I just want to know when the mystery of the bad boy will wear off and the good guy will suddenly become more appealing.
Until then, I’ll put on my big girl panties and brave the sea of douche bags that I willingly allow myself to drown in.